30-Second Version For Busy People

This past week, we were starkly reminded of the darkness around us and what potentially exists next door or even in our own hearts. We preach the loss of unity, but a democracy thrives on diversity. We don't lack unity; we have simply forgotten how to disagree.

• Better thought: Better relationships lead to better disagreements.

• Better action: Extend a hand across the aisle rather than planting the seeds of hatred and division.

When Christians get better, everyone gets better. Right now, the world needs better Christians.

Full Version

The recent assassination attempt on President Trump at a Pennsylvania rally has left many in shock. Perhaps you are exhausted from the continual conversation about it, this newsletter notwithstanding.

But we cannot shy away from the conversation despite the insanity that is found online, in the world, and in our own broken minds. The attempted assassination of a former president is a very real reminder of this present darkness that exists all around us and entirely inside us.

One of my main takeaways from this terrible moment in American history is not our loss of unity—true democracy thrives on diversity and debate—but our loss of disagreement.

We need to be better at disagreeing with one another rather than trying to impose agreement. We have become obsessed with unity (nationalism, climate change, etc.). The mentality has become that you are my enemy if you oppose my position.

As Christians, we need to develop better thoughts and actions regarding the lost art of disagreement because (as Christians) mostpeople will oppose our worldview.

So, how can we be better at disagreeing?

BETTER THOUGHT

Today's better thought: Better relationships lead to better disagreements.

Professional hostage negotiators, police interviewers, therapists, mediators, and diplomats truly understand this idea. They master the "conversation under the conversation," excelling at postponing the substance of a disagreement while nurturing the relationship. They do this because they recognize how much relationships matter.

As a pastor, I have ongoing conversations about issues people often ignore: how we should speak, where our priorities should lie, the proper order of significant life events, and the searing doubts of faith and eternity.

I've learned not to expect from people what was never put into them. The world (our friends, family, neighbors, and co-workers) doesn't know any better because they haven’t been shown any better.

Instead, I've started focusing on the relationship first. I will invest in the lives of people I want to have any influence over—not simply to one day show them their faults, but to learn from them as I hope they learn from me.

Disagreeing well is a lost art, but we can recover it. I'm not always the best at it. I avoid conflict as if it will curl under my toenails and rot. So, I focus instead on relationships. I think that's a better starting place, anyway.

If you're looking for a book about disagreement or conflict, here are a few recommendations (in no particular order):

• The Enigma of Reason: A New Theory of Human Understandingby Dan Sperber & Hugo Mercier

• Knowing Mandelaby John Carlin

• The Five Percent: Finding Solutions to Seemingly Impossible Conflictsby Peter Coleman

• Mere Civility: Disagreement and the Limits of Tolerationby Teresa M. Bejan

• Learning Lessons From Waco: When Parties Bring Their Gods to the Negotiation Tableby Jayne Docherty

BETTER ACTION

Today's better action: Reach across the aisle and grasp hands with another human.

American political commentator, former attorney, and self-proclaimed follower of Jesus, David French, issued a challenge to listeners of The Dispatch podcast in his reflection on the assassination attempt on Donald Trump:

I took this challenge to heart. Although I'm not a fan of Trump as our country's leader, I do know people who are, and I sent them a message to grieve with them.

What does this challenge look like for you? Who on the other side of the aisle can you reach your hand across and, by gesture, say, "We might disagree, but we can still be in a relationship"?

I witnessed this kind of conversation last Thursday. Two people disagreed on a matter of church worship. They came to different conclusions and understood Scripture differently. They didn't agree to disagree but instead acknowledged their different conclusions and maintained their relationship.

In times of deep division, reaching out to someone with a different perspective and offering genuine compassion can be a powerful act of faith. It reminds us that our common humanity is greater than our political or ideological differences.

Let's plant better seeds.

BECOMING A BETTER CHRISTIAN

When Christians get better, everyone gets better. Here are a few ways I am getting better this week.

• I began writing my next book. It's a long process, so I won't tell you anything more except that I constantly invest in my writing ability. I just began reading Zen in the Art of Writing: Releasing the Creative Genius Within You. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ so far.

• My good friend Brady Ross runs his own coaching agency and writes a weekly newsletter called Leadership Lift. It's a three-minute coaching session delivered to your inbox. I just received this week's session titled, The Best Time to Make a Hard Decision.

• If you're into listening to podcasts, here are my top three recommended listens for the week:

  • The Art of Encouragement in Leadership (All It Takes Is A Goal)

  • Rich Villodas on How to Know When Your Soul is in Danger (Carey Nieuwhof Leadership Podcast)

  • Iron Sharpens Iron ( 3-Minute Reset)

Hit "reply" and let me know what you're doing!

Trivia — Something I Wish I Said

Here is a quote that got me thinking this week. Who do you think said it?

Hit "reply" and let me know what you're thinking.